This week has been really eye opening for me. A lot of people think of think of happiness as a destination, a milestone to someday be reached. Or worse, think they will be happy if only they reach this. Then they arrive at that moment or achieve the item or the job they wanted only to find there is no happiness to be found. So they set the next goal thinking, "Okay, I will be happy if I get this next thing or achieve this because I had it wrong last time."
My happiness is in daily things. Spending time with my husband. Reading. Cleaning and organizing my office space, or my bedroom. Cooking meals for my family. Finding inspirational visuals or reading something inspiring. I love travel, reading, sight seeing, going to intimate places to listen to music, having coffee and reading. I love, love reading. I don't always have the budget for going out and traveling. Nor the time, with having a large family and work and responsibilities.
My latest thing that I am getting obsessed with is watching Marie Forleo's business videos on YouTube. If you have never watched her videos, you are missing out. She does a combination or practical business advice, lifestyle advice, combined with topics on health, fitness, meditation, manifesting and spiritual growth. She has a lot of special guests: published successful writers, CEOs, psychologists,motivational speakers, spiritual healers and some really powerful people: Tony Robbins, Elizabeth Gilbert, Seth Godin and so many more. Marie herself has been incredibly inspiring in her own right, having gone from bartender to fitness instructor to CEO of a highly successful media company.
So in watching her shows, I feel like I am learning a lot of practical business advice combined with receiving information that inspires me to think about my own personal and business growth. I am also being exposed to a lot of highly successful people that are sharing not only their personal victories and advice, but share their own insecurities and failures.
In the last 5 years, I left a job that I loved, that I believed to be my calling. It was very hard for me to make that choice. In the end, my health, my stress levels and the amount of time and financial resources that it was taking away from my family made the decision for me. I went through this phase of not knowing what I wanted to do next. Because my whole identity was wrapped in my dream job. More specifically, my dream job title. So without my title, who was I as a person? Because giving up my dream job, felt like I also handed over my identity.
I tried a couple of jobs out. And it was a terrible experience. I was unhappy. And felt that I was settling for something less, rather than having what I really wanted. In re-entering the business world, I felt like I lost my creativity and freedom, and my feeling that I was working toward a meaningful career and giving to others. I am not a person that cares a lot about material things. I don't need a big house, the newest car, or electronic devices that are the latest and greatest. I care more about helping others and feeling like I am making a difference in my community. Yet a lot of the jobs out there in the social services arena pay far less than the income we require for having a large family. I feel torn between serving my family and serving others.
About a month ago, I watched a TED Talk that really flipped things around for me. It was about pursuing your mission and not just pursuing your dream title. A lot of people seek the title, specific job title, and when they do not get it, feel like the failed. Then sink into depression and failure seeps into other areas of their life, not just career. This TED Talk, was about instead of pursuing the title, pursue your mission. What is it about that title that you want? For me, it was about working with people with disabilities, giving back to my community, giving to others, seeing their personal growth and celebrating the successes and encouraging others when they are struggling. For me, I was focused on the position of being an autism teacher for students with severe behavior issues, and considered by many to be unteachable.
After several injuries, finding out I have a permanent injury to my spine in 3 places and stress combined with weathering through politics, ethics, and working up to 70-80 hrs per week while spending about 35% of my income on my classroom, I reached a point where I began to feel my career choice was making me sick. It was incredibly hard for me to leave a position that I loved, that I invested $100k into, and spent 6 years to obtain a Master's Degree toward, only to walk away.
Fast forward to TED Talk, and the speaker talked about how rare it is for someone to leave college and land their dream job title and remain in their dream job title for their entire working career. The TED Talk centered around developing a personal mission statement, identifying your values and what you desire to achieve and then finding other ways to meet your mission. For me, it was working within my community in education or disability arena, to help others reach their personal success, especially when others stopped believing in them.
Once I started focusing on this, my possibilities opened up. I have attended workshops on disability issues. I signed up to volunteer with down syndrome charities. I reached out to disability non-profits to volunteer. I am still working my day job that pays my bills, provides my insurance. However, I am actively pursuing my mission. In pursuing my mission, my happiness has increased a lot. I can see my personal growth. I am being exposed to new experiences and new knowledge and I am growing every day.
Life for me is sometimes busy. In my business world corporate job, I have worked up to 55 hours per week. I still have to make dinner, do laundry, take the teens to all their activities and jobs, tackle the chores, pay bills, buy the groceries and the 101 things I do each week. Some weeks, I may do less than I like for my own goals, and other weeks, I may tackle a lot more. The bottom line is I am still moving forward.
I have a side hustle. I make autism [and other disability] resources and visuals for other teachers and parents that focus on communication and appropriate behaviors. I charge a really small price, anywhere from $1 to $5 each. This is something I want to invest more time into. For now, it is small, but I want to grow it. I publish my work on TpT for sale. As my time allows, I want to grow this.
My other dream is this. I don't want a huge house filled with stuff and a 3 car garage and media room that will require me to spend hours cleaning and organizing it. Having a chef kitchen would be nice since I love to cook, but I don't want to spend hours per week cleaning it, mopping floors and polishing my granite counter tops. Some will judge you because you don't have the big house and a new car and technology with fruit on it. That is ok. I am not living to make others happy. I am living for myself and my goals. My dream is for the hubs and I to buy an RV. As soon as the kids leave home, we may have a big yard sale and sell off everything. Except, of course, his vinyl albums and comic collection, because he will never part with those. Eventually, however, my goal is for us to hit the road and travel to the Pacific NW, Canada, New England and other areas.
I want to drink coffee in Seattle, go to concerts, hit used book sales, travel, see places like Fisherman's Wharf, eat lobster in Maine, visit the French part of Canada that I visited as a teen. As a child of parents that would have been considered hippies, I would love to throw our stuff in a VW van and travel. Everything I am working today for, is with that goal in mind.
It really doesn't matter a whole lot how I get there. I may have to work jobs to pay the bills while we have kids still at home. I have taxes to pay, medical bills, credit cards to pay, 2 car payments. Yet, while I am in the waiting, I am doing everything I can to build upon my mission, and cover our expenses. My goal is, to be debt free within the next 3-5 years except for my student loans. Each pay check I have bills to pay, but slowly we are getting there.
The most important thing I always end the day with, everything I am growing through, my spouse is by my side.
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